Things People Said While I Was Losing My Baby
And the one text that actually held me up.
Nobody means to hurt you. That's the hardest part.
They're standing in front of you trying to find words for something that has no words, and they reach for the first thing that sounds like comfort. And it lands like a brick.
These are the things people said to me while I was losing my baby. And the one thing that actually helped.
"At least you know you can get pregnant."
I was not trying to prove I could get pregnant. I was trying to bring my baby home.
"It happens to a lot of women."
It was happening to me. That morning. In a bathroom at work.
"Everything happens for a reason."
Say that out loud and then tell me the reason. I'll wait.
"You can always try again."
I didn't want a next one. I wanted that one.
"At least it was early."
The heartbeat said hi and bye on the same day. There is no early.
"Let me know if you need anything."
I was not going to call. Nobody calls. Just come over.
Here's what actually helped
My friend texted: "I'm not going to say the right thing. I'm just not going anywhere."
That was it. That was the whole thing.
She didn't fix it. She stayed.
If you're the one who doesn't know what to say
You don't have to know. "I'm not going anywhere" is enough. It has always been enough.
Don't offer a reason. Don't offer a next time. Don't leave it to her to call you, because she won't. Just come over. Bring the coffee. Sit on the couch. Say nothing if nothing is what she needs.
Save this for the next time someone you love goes through it. You will need it.
And if someone stayed for you: tell her you remember. 🧡
From the publisher
You don't have to carry the cost alone.
Gift of Parenthood awards a $20,000 Family Fund grant each cycle and helps families fundraise for IVF, surrogacy, and adoption. If this is your journey, there's a place to start.